9.16.2009

Junk Mail

Of all the different forms of “junk” correspondence that I encounter, I would submit that junk faxes are the most annoying.

The somewhat ironically-named “courtesy call” on the phone is annoying, but you can always just hang up when you realize that’s what it is. It’s pretty easy to sort junk mail from the other legitimate stuff that comes to your mailbox, and it’s easily thrown away as well. Junk e-mail really isn’t a problem as long as you have a decent filter in your email system.

Junk faxes are the most annoying though, because in addition to wasting your time (which all the above examples do as well), they also waste your resources. Every time we get a junk fax at the church office, a sheet of our pristine 8 1/2 x 11 Office Depot copy paper is wasted. That might not seem like a big deal, but since we seem to get a couple of junk faxes per week, when you multiply it out over the course of a year, that’s 100 or so sheets of paper. Which still isn’t a major expense, but it is certainly annoying.

Most of these junk faxes offer cheap insurance rates, or inform me that I’ve won free vacations, or tell me that I’ve been selected for some version of “Who’s Who.” But one time a while back, I got one that was a little more interesting:
Dear Personnel Manager,

If there is a piece missing from your organizational puzzle, I believe my background and qualifications will fit perfectly with your company’s needs.

I am a results-oriented, seasoned professional who regards principle, balance, and professionalism as strategic components of my business philosophy. I have a proven ability to reach targeted goals and have gained diverse experience in sales, management, and marketing. I believe I can be an asset to your firm.

I would welcome the opportunity to meet with you to explore how my experience could best meet your needs. Thank you for your consideration.

Best regards,

Some Random Guy Who Apparently Didn’t Realize That The Service He Subscribed To Would Also Send His Resume To Random Churches
Attached to this cover letter was a resume that contained the following highlights:
  • Over 10 years experience specializing in Sales, Account Management and Business Development.
  • While working at a parts store, was instrumental in the successful acquisition and assimilation of two competitors.
  • Also while at the parts store, developed a culturally diverse marketing strategy for the location capturing 75% of the established Hispanic market and 95% of the established Asian market.
So after originally lampooning the idea of us receiving this guy’s resume, maybe I need to give him a call.

If hiring him would help us with the successful acquisition and assimilation of our “competitors” and also help us to capture the local established Hispanic and Asian markets, he’d be worth anything we could pay him!

1 comments:

Canada Guy 11/5/09, 10:19 AM  

Junk mail is an obvious target if we want to eliminate waste and reduce carbon emissions. This is a product most people throw out without even reading. It must be banned and leaders at Copenhagen should consider adding this to their international agreements.

http://www.selfdestructivebastards.com/2009/11/junk-mail-must-go.html

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